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Marriage Mondays: Love and Marriage–You Can’t Have One Without the Other

8 Nov

 

 

 

The irony of Frank Sinatra’s “Love and Marriage” being the theme song to Married with Children is Al and Peggy Bundy probably had one of the most loveless marriages ever displayed on television. The Fox breakout comedy that ran 11 seasons from 1987-1997 was undeniably the antithesis to the happily, ever after romantic films we were accustomed to at the time. And while I’m of the happily, ever after breed who agrees with Sinatra’s view on love and marriage, others believe that Al and Peggy’s loveless and obligatory relationship is a more accurate portrayal of marriage.

To read the rest, click here: Marriage Mondays: Love and Marriage–You Can’t Have One Without the Other.

Bad Chicks Who Have Considered Suicide

1 Nov

 

 

 

 

What we fail to realize is that we are one. Our stories are intertwined. Our hurt. Our horror. Our healing. It’s all connected.  The beautiful faces, bountiful brains, and plastered smiles that represent our perfect lives are the lethal injections that are causing our sisters to die—emotionally…spiritually… physically…and all alone.

To read the rest, click here: Bad Chicks Who Have Considered Suicide.

Marriage Mondays: Your Desires vs. God’s Purpose

31 Oct

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone has their own reason for wanting to get married. Over the past seven years, I’ve had many. Nothing’s wrong with having personal reasons for desiring wedded bliss. Problems do arise, however, when we allow our reasons to overshadow God’s purpose for marriage.

To read more, click here: Marriage Mondays: Your Desires vs. God’s Purpose.

“You Want to Be Spoiled?”

29 Mar

There’s this guy at work who’s always flirting with me. I don’t really pay the flirting much attention, but he carries on decent conversation, so we chop it up quite often in the hallway.

The other day while we were talking he looked at me and said, “You’re spoiled. Aren’t you?” I thought about it for a moment. Growing up I never thought I was spoiled, but my classmates had often told me I was. Ironically, that hasn’t been reflected in my past relationship. I’ve never had a man even remotely attempt to spoil me, so my answer was easy.

“No. Not at all.”

His follow up questions was, “But you want to be?”

“Hell, yeah!” I said without a second thought. “And I deserve to be! I’ve busted my tail doing it all for the past 10 years. I want a man to be MAN! Take care of me! Be the head of the household! I don’t mind working, but I want my money to be our play money. I deserve that, right?”

He nodded yes.

Throughout college my girls and I were all on this independent woman stuff. And after we graduated, we all worked hard to establish ourselves in our careers and prove that we could make it on our own. And we all have proven just that. But now that we are all invading 30 I’m noticing that more and more of us could care less about being labeled independent. A whole lot of us wouldn’t mind being housewives and stay at home moms. The bravado that we once used to establish our independence with has subtlety ceased. And we desire to have the men in our lives spoil us.

And it’s not because we are lazy, gold-diggers, or incompetent. It’s just that we have figured out who we really are. We now know our true worth, and we are aware that any man who enters our space must recognize that worth and act accordingly.

I think we’ve ran the course. We—the smart, bright, and intelligent—have gone into the world and conquered territory, and now we want to settle down with a man who’s conquering while we do our thing (whether it be taking care of home, working, etc.).

I also think it’s natural for a man to desire to give his woman the best that he can, and I’m not just talking financially. Spoil her with compliments, favors, love letters and sweet nothings. Go out of your way to make your woman feel like a queen.

I say all of this for the record. My next man should be very aware that I am waiting and expecting to be spoiled. Nothing less than will be accepted. And if I’m happy, I promise you’ll be happy too, boo! 🙂

Single…& Waiting…& Waiting…& Waiting

21 Mar

I’m 29. Single. Celibate. And desiring to be married. That’s not always easy. It can often be frustrating, tiring, and exhausting. But I’m determined to keep my peace, be patient, and wait on Him as He sends me him. Thank God I have awesome single friends who understand my journey, support my journey, and travel my journey with me. One of them sent me this amazing video of poet Janette performing her piece, “I Will Wait for You.” It’s powerful, encouraging, and life-changing. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did.

For more videos and more information on the group, please visit Passion for Christ Movement at http://www.p4cm.com/p4cm/.

 

Kim Kardashian: Whore or No Whore?

28 Feb

I’ve never been a fan of Kim Kardashian, but like most of America, I do have a slight fascination with her. To my demise, the media does a great job of feeding this fascination.

Every aspect of her life seems to be documented by a reality show, photograph, blog, or magazine, and all too often what the media reports has something to do with the “new” man in her life, which Kim never seems to be lacking. In the last year, according to the media, Kim has dated Reggie Bush, Miles Austin, Gabriel Aubry, Kris Humphries, and Shengo, her former bodyguard. Now dating six guys may not by excessive for the average single woman, but when you combine the number of guys she’s dated with her overly sexual image, people can come to some harsh conclusions.

A couple of months ago, Hot 107.9 in Atlanta tackled this issue. They asked their listeners to discuss whether they thought Kimmie K. should be categorized as a whore. The discussion got pretty interesting, and at the end of the day, the listeners, as well as the radio personalities, split about 50/50 on the issue.

Later that evening, I took the same conversation to my twitter page and received similar responses. About 1/3 thought she was a whore, 1/3 thought she was just a misguided single, and the other third could’ve cared less. But this conversation got me thinking, what is a whore? And have we redefined the word as we have become a more sexually liberated society? I’m exploring this topic in my weekly blog at 66Raw.com. If you want in on the convo, go to www.facebook.com/kiaspeaks and visit the discussion board.

But back to Kim K. I kind of feel sorry for her. Based on how I define the word whore, I don’t think she’s one. I honestly think she’s a hopeless romantic who’s attempting to sex her way into “happily ever after”, which is never the way to do it for the record. Despite being beautiful and having her beauty embraced by the world, I actually think Kim is extremely insecure. She seems to seek validation from the men in her life while using her beauty, body, and booty to “hook” them. I hope that she realizes, sooner than later, that she’s more than a big butt and a smile. Because if she doesn’t, no one else will either. 

On top of that, we, the judgmental public, have absolutely no proof that Kim is even sleeping with the men that’s she’s “dating.” These could be friendly outings that never end in the bedroom, but because of the sexual persona she portrays, it’s so easy to label her a whore and keep on moving.

There are two lessons that we can learn from Kimmie:

1)      You can’t sell sex and expect for people to separate you, the person, from you, the spokesperson, especially when your very active dating life is constantly broadcast across the world. They will label you based on their perception of your lifestyle. They will call you a hoe.

2)      Having sex to secure love doesn’t work, never…EVER! If you try this, you simply end up screwed…figuratively and literally.

The 66Raw.com article has posted yet. I’m still writing and editing (writer’s block is a beast), but I will update here as soon as I do. Thanks!

COUGARS and Tigers and Bears…Oh My!

22 Feb

I have a friend who is determined to label me a cougar. He throws that label at me every time he gets the opportunity. Anything from me tweeting about a Justin Bieber song to me saying Cam Newton has a nice smile gets him started on how big of a cougar I am.

Ironically, I’ve never dated anyone more than a year younger than me, so I don’t think I could remotely qualify as a cougar, but that did get me thinking. Could I date someone significantly younger than me? And if I did, would the relationship be sustainable?

I’ve had this conversation with one of my besties a couple of times now. And while we are getting older and the age differences are less pressing, there are still some concerns. This prompted me to turn to my Facebook and Twitter family for feedback, and as always, they weren’t shy. The conversation was actually quite amusing. Especially when I named Mariah Carey/Nick Cannon and Monica/Shannon Brown as examples of romances that worked and @tc2kewl called me Leave It to Beaver and advised I stop “pontificating on the miracles of a few.”

You can check out the entire conversation at http://66raw.com/66-raw-news/item/206-cougars-can-their-relationships-work?.html. It’s my second feature for The Hip Hop Social Network 66Raw.com. Hope you enjoy.

Going to the Chapel and I’m…

18 Feb

On Valentine’s Day rumors that Jay-Z and Beyonce were separating emerged on the Internet. Supposedly, he wants kids, and she would rather have a super career. I didn’t give this much thought until last night; then it finally hit me: hip hop’s last super couple may be on the verge of calling it quits! As I began to research the origin of these reports, they all pointed to one source: MediaTakeOut.

Now I’m not one to demean the credibility of an organization, but seriously, the crackhead in West End is more reliable than MediaTakeOut. Finding out they are the source of the story immediately invalidated it to me. Yeah, the story sounds plausible, but until a trustworthy news source can verify the information, I’m writing this off as another fake out brought to you by MediaTakeOut. In the mess of dissecting this story, I was reminding of a valuable lesson that’s been shared with me before: premarital counseling is key.

Everyone has a set of core values that they are not willing to waiver on, and before two people marry and become one they should definitely sit down to ensure their core values are aligned. You don’t want to get 15, 10, or even a year into your marriage only to realize that you can’t resolve one issue that ends up destroying the union.

As a single woman who values her career and family, I pray to God that I am able to merge both lives into one…kind of like Kimora Lee has done. I know it sounds easier than it actually is, but I’m willing to work to make it happen.

Speaking of marriage and all that jazz, you should check out this new blog: From the Club to the Chapel: A BK Girl’s Adventure Down the Aisle. You are sure to love the raw honesty of @Soon2beMrs’ posts as she chronicles her adventures to wifedom. I was hooked after the first post.

And while you’re at it, enjoy this track from Jay-Z and Beyonce. Just remember not to be so “Crazy in Love” that you forget to get premarital counseling. 🙂



Happy V-Day Courtesy of Anita Baker

12 Feb

Just listen.

Happy (Early) Valentine’s Day! (courtesy of En Vogue)

11 Feb

I love and miss these girls! Hope you enjoy!